FAQs about Single Parenting
Where can I live with my baby?
Look into your housing options before you deliver. Some possibilities include
living with a friend or relative, living with your parents or the birth
father's parents, living in a group home for single mothers,
living in subsidized housing [may have a waiting list], or finding your own
apartment. Look for a safe convenient, and affordable place. If you are a
student, ask if your school offers day care--most universities and many
high schools do. Some pregnancy counselors will help you find a good day care center.
Can anyone help me with baby items?
Most pregnancy resource centers and many churches and community agencies help
with needed baby items. Your counselor or pregnancy resource center can also
connect you with parenting classes
and other resources, including public assistance for medical and financial
needs, if necessary. At PCC we would love to help you through our
Parenting Pay$ classes.
How do I get support from the birth father?
The birth father's legal responsibilities include providing financial support
for your child. Most states have a child support enforcement agency which will
withhold money from his paycheck if he is unwilling to pay. Understand that
your child is entitled to his
financial support, even if the father opposed your choice to give birth.
What rights does the birth father have?
In some states, the birth father's name is not even put on the birth
certificate unless you want it to be. If he has signed a notarized paternity
affidavit, he has legal rights, including visitation and the right
to deny or consent to medical decisions for your child. Discuss his rights and
responsibilities with your counselor, attorney, or the Department of Social
Services. You and the child's father should also discuss with each other
your individual rights and responsibilities. A child's needs are
best met with birth parents working together.
I don't want to be on welfare.
Having a baby does not have to mean you will end up as a welfare mother, even
if you are poor and single. Although it may be more difficult to continue your
studies while you are caring for an
infant, many women complete their educations and go on to have fulfilling and
exciting careers even while doubling as mothers. Many find that having a child
increases one's motivation to succeed.
Organizations like Nurturing Network [1.800.TNN.4MOM] exist solely to help
students and aspiring professional women complete their goals while facing an
unplanned pregnancy. Our experience has been that a
woman's motivation and self-esteem determine her ability to do well, not an
unplanned pregnancy.
Can I be forced to quit school?
Most schools encourage you to continue your education. Many educational
programs for parents offer night classes, and in many large cities there are
high schools especially for pregnant and parenting
teens. Some schools offer loans, childcare, and even transportation. You may
decide to take a semester off while you adjust to single parenting, but your
educational goals are still reachable. No one can force you to quit school.
How will single parenting effect my dating?
Parenting may limit your dating. When you choose to parent, your child will
need much of your time and attention. Some people you date may not want to
share your attention with a child, while others will not mind you parenting.
Before getting into a serious relationship, consider the effect on your child.
Try to balance freedom and responsibility--you will still need to allow
yourself some "fun time" without your child.
How do I explain to my child why there is no father in our home?
Explain that because of complicated circumstances, he is unable to be part of
your family. In today's world, chances are your child will have many peers with
only one parent in the home. You need to talk
as positively about the other parent as you can without being dishonest. Even
if you don't like him, he is someone special to your child. Encourage other
male role models in your child's life. How your child perceives
caring adults of either sex will affect how he or she will relate to others as
an adult.
What rights do grandparents have?
State laws vary about grandparents' custody and visitation rights. By law,
birth parents are the only ones who have the rights and responsibilities toward
the child. Grandparents, however, are important people
in your child's life and history. They can also be very helpful. Look on their
help, however, as a temporary solution as it is important for you to be
independent eventually. If you do live with your parents, they have a right
to insist on a few rules.
Can I still choose adoption later if parenting doesn't work out?
If single parenting becomes too difficult and you decide to look into adoption,
you are not a bad parent. It takes courage to realize you are not ready for the
responsibility of parenthood. But separating from a child with whom you've
bonded is difficult. A trusted and wise counselor can help you and your child
through this process. Look for an agency that can both help you continue
parenting and, if you decide it's best, help you make an adoption plan you can
live with. Ask about "open" adoption, which can still allow for you to see or
know about your child. PCC can help you with any of these decisions at our
center.
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